Ohhh! And Flash Gordon fumbles again!
The former polo player has managed to ruin
Maybe he should have, ahh, stuck with that polo, Chuck!
EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - MORNING
Moments like this are going to fuel people’s fears
that Flash Gordon is just not cut out for football.
Polo, yes, but football? Perhaps this was not the
right career shift for him.
Yes, that’s the question on fans’ minds right now:
IS Mr. Gordon as driven to perform in this one
particular sport as he is with polo? It’s going to
take a lot on his end to prove his worth at this point.
INT. FOOTBALL FIELD - NOW
Flash Gordon sighs.
Come on, Flash. You got this!
Flash, a player on the New York Jets team,
runs forth to play again.
He catches the moving football.
A crowd of people cheers.
He holds the ball tightly, and runs across the field as fast
as he can, trying to dodge the many enemy players that
come at him.
Flash! Flash! Flash!
Flash Gordon runs some more, but gets caught up
in the glory of it all. He begins to dance for a moment.
He is just as quickly taken down by an enemy player.
The football drops out of his grip. It ends up right in
the two gloved hands of an enemy player.
Noooo! Damn it!
The enemy player runs off. Flash runs after him,
but is hopelessly outran.
LATER - back to the two TV announcers,
talking into their microphones.
And Flash Gordon blames it on the weather.
I tell ya. Hey - maybe it’s planet Mongo
that’s doing it!
Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Remember that?
“Mongo”! The planet that’s attacking us!
Folks, let me illuminate here. Earlier this year,
the NASA scientist . . . or, I should say, former
NASA scientist . . . Dr. Hans Zarkov, Ph. D,
became widely discredited after his theories that
planet Mongo is attacking us. That . . . that NASA
must approve a . . . a trillion-dollar “trip to Mongo”
in order to stop the bad weather . . . on Earth.
Ohhhh, man, that guy was an idiot.
I mean, seriously. You wanna be taken
seriously . . . you do not scream frantically
about space aliens ruining your weather!
“Jackass” indeed. Dr. Hans Zarkov believed
these aliens, I guess, were messing with his brain.
Ruining the weather, just to mess up his yard.
Pff. Well, it’s people like this who are usually
seen wearing tin foil hats . . . you know, so the -
the aliens can’t get into their minds.
Well, back to the game at hand, on
planet Earth, Flash Gordon is not
playing a good game today. How will
the rest of the Jets fare in today’s game?
INT. FOOTBALL FIELD
Flash looks up.
While you’re off in space, the rest of us
have a game to play!
I’m sorry, Coach, it’s . . . it’s the weather . . .!
How many of you deadbeats are gonna
use that excuse today? Hmm?
He looks up, at the sky.
An orange chemical trail circles around the sky,
different from the normal white clouds. Why are
these orange circular cloud-like trails there?
What is going on up there, in space?
EXT. JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
We hear the sound of a plane landing on the runway.
INT. AIRPORT - FRONT ENTRANCE
Flash Gordon, holding one single piece of wheel luggage,
walks into the airport. Enormous in size, there is over half
a mile of clear walking space on the floor. The ceiling is
over 50 feet above the floor.
First, Flash walks over to the computer terminal.
Then he starts typing away his information.
He types in his last name, with the QWERTY keyboard
of keys that are in the electronic LCD screen.
G. O. R. D. O. N. Next.
Enter your first name. F. L. A. S. H. Next.
Flash types away some more, getting his flight
information pulled up.
His boarding pass prints out. Flash takes it.
We FOLLOW Flash’s walk toward the women working
behind the metal counter.
Flash Gordon approaches the maze of ropes, the line
for customers to walk through. Obeying the rules, he
walks through one hallway of rope, a second, a third,
and finally makes it to the women at the metal counter.
Hello! You have one piece of luggage?
Would you like to check it in?
Uhhhh . . . yeah, yeah, sure.
She types in some info. Flash tries not
to look at her too much.
Only that one luggage?
You will be at Terminal 4-C, up that way.
Smiling, and waving, he walks off, to his terminal.
SOON - airport security pats him down.
AIRPORT MAN 1
Let’s go, let’s go.
AIRPORT MAN 2
AIRPORT MAN 1
Whoa. Stay still.
Okay, guys. Come on. Let’s keep our cool here.
I . . . guess it was my belt.
He removes his metal belt.
With the belt off, he tries it again. The airport men are
still looking at him with heavy scrutiny.
Flash walks through. No beep.
Good to go?
He collects his things from the plastic box sliding
across the rollers. Flash puts his money and
wallet back into his pockets.
I ever tell you I hate traveling?
INT. JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - TERMINAL 4-C
Flash Gordon sits down on one of the public chairs.
He looks up at the electronic billboards.
LOS ANGELES. That’s his flight.
He looks at his cell phone to check the time.
11:11, says his closed flip-phone.
INT. AIRPORT - HALLWAY
Flash Gordon walks down the hallway that
tilts a little downhill, walking to the plane.
We FOLLOW HIS WALK until he gets
to the airplane. A stewardess greets him
happily. He takes a right turn, walking down
the CENTER AISLE of the airport.
We LOOK DOWN at the ticket in his hand.
SEAT 16B. Flash walks on, squeezing past
and around people, until, at last, he has arrived
at Seat 16B.
He sits in his chair. Looks out the window.
Pfoooo. So . . . 18 minutes.
He looks around.
FADE TO: later.
11:45, says his cell phone.
Hmm? Oh . . . right! You’re . . . sitting here?
Flash gets up, letting her sit down.
Big boobs in a pink shirt, Flash notices.
He keeps an eye on her.
She sits down in the window seat.
Then he resumes sitting in the middle seat.
The airplane takes off from the ground, lifting
off up into the air. We STAY STILL as the
airplane grows increasingly far away from us.
Flash Gordon looks out the window.
That’s a beautiful view.
The girl looking out the window doesn’t hear him.
Uhhh . . . nice view, huh?
Uhhh - I said . . . Hell of a view, out there.
Yeah. I love to look out the airplane window.
Flash isn’t sure what to say now. The conversation
remains silent. Dead.
So, where you from?
Where you from? Are you from South Africa?
. . . Yes! How did you know?
I . . . don’t know, I just . . . knew!
The airplane ride goes smoothly, until it is smashed apart by meteors.
A meteor storm is striking the Earth. The airplane smashes apart.
Flash Gordon puts on his parachute, and leaps out of the airplane, carrying Dale Arden in his arms!
The airplane is wrecked. We very slowly
DRIFT DOWN through space to land on
the enormous ruined vehicle.
RADIO VOICE 1
Now we understand - this is not a matter of
normal Earthly weather. It is not. No, it’s . . .
meteor rocks from space.
RADIO VOICE 2
The airplane was bombarded by the rocks,
and torn apart. No survivors found.
Folks, this isn’t weather here. This is
something from space, coming at us.
RADIO VOICE 3
Okay, now, listen, it’s not like anybody “sent”
these meteor rocks to hit us. It just . . . ended up
that way, that’s all. However, the point is, these
meteors came from space. Now . . . what is a
meteor rock? Just a . . . a piece of rock, from space?
No. A meteor is a part of a PLANET that found
itself airborne. Folks . . . the meteors that destroyed
this airplane, they came from a planet out there. A
planet with . . . rocks. In short, a planet came
at us and hit us.
RADIO VOICE 4
But which planet did the meteors come from?
If we can calculate the WAY that they fell, and see
the WAY they had moved through space, earlier,
maybe we could calculate where they came from.
At the moment, NASA believes that the meteors
come from a planet within our solar system. A few
speculate that the meteors are from a solar system
INT. TV SHOW - MOVIE
“Fiddler on the Roof” is playing,
with actor Topol singing.
- seven hours every day . . . and that would be
the sweetest thing of all . . .
Chik! The TV’s channel is changed.
On the TV, a stand-up comedian is talking.
Now, check this shit out. Check this out.
This doctor . . . a NASA doctor, by the name
of Hans Zarkov . . . says, the WEATHER, here
on EARTH, is brought upon us by an attack from
space. Space! Like . . . Mars! He believes we
must all take a trip to Mars, to stop this bad weather!
Now . . . I have heard of lunacy before. But NEVER
did I think -
He turns it off.
He growls again.
He kicks open the door to his house,
and steps outside.
EXT. ZARKOV’S HOME - MIDDAY
A mobile trailer is where he lives, for right now.
Though it’s pitch dark on the inside, it’s completely
bright out, outside.
Zarkov’s beard is long. He hasn’t bothered to
trim it in ages. His hair is long and getting ragged.
He grumbles to himself.
“Insufficient evidence. We have insufficient evidence.”
Cock-eyed bastards . . .
CUT TO a farther-away angle. Zarkov
lives, essentially, in the middle of nowhere,
in his mobile trailer home.
LATER - Zarkov turns on his radio.
Rap music. He listens for a moment, then switches
it from FM to AM. A man is talking politics.
Zarkov adjusts the dial, setting the radio’s frequency.
It’s a terrible tragedy. They don’t believe any
survivors came out of that crash. Folks: for those
just joining this story . . . uhhh . . . Flight 413 was
bombarded by an unexpected barrage of meteor
storms earlier today, and these meteors come
from space, people are now saying. A meteor is
a part of a planet. It’s not just rocks from “space”
that have bombarded us. It’s another planet.
Zarkov is shocked.
It's obvious that less than 100% of the entire universe
has been mapped out by us humans. We don't have much
of a way of telling if the planet from which the meteors came
is from the list of planets we know about, and have seen,
or from the planets we have never yet seen, and therefore
know nothing about. Some of our top minds are even asking
the question if this mysterious planet of meteors . . . might
be the planet that has intelligent life! How did the meteors
become airborne? Is there a planet at war with itself? Who knows?
Outside, Zarkov sees the parachuting man.
Dr. Zarkov runs in the direction of the
parachuting man, waving both arms
about frantically. Flash Gordon lands
near Dr. Zarkov, with Dale in his hands.
Dr. Zarkov aims a gun at Flash Gordon.
Hey . . . now, put that away.
You, come with me.
What is this about?
Everyone laughs at me. Calls me a fool.
Refuses to believe me when I tell them
life-saving information. Fine, then! You
get inside that rocketship - now!
Zarkov closes the door.
Then, he goes back to aiming the gun at Flash.
Now! If NASA had listened to me - heeded my
warnings about the planet, Mongo - then we might
not be losing so many people right now!
Hold on - hold on, now. What are you talking
about, with this planet, “Mongo”?
All these months . . . I was right. You think the
meteor storms were just this “funny weather”
going on for no reason? No. The meteors came
from space - and so did the rest of this funny
weather. Attacks from planet Mongo.
And - and how long has Mongo been attacking Earth?
Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Some people blamed
human behavior. Indeed, it is human behavior.
But not from Earth’s end. From Mongo’s end.
I see. And, what do you propose we do about this?
I proposed to NASA what to do! Send people
to space, again. They have done it, before!
They did it just for fun! Just for scientific “progress”!
Space missions. Lunar missions. Competition with
Russia, in the Sixties . . . no, you kids would know
nothing about that. NASA needs to make a mission
to space, to get to that planet, Mongo, and learn
How do you find planet Mongo, sir?
Follow the asteroids. Follow their path.
It will be found.
Sounds like we should send some machines out
first. Cameras. Drones. Something.
Well, I said the same thing. They laugh at me.
They send nothing out there. They make zero
investigation into planet Mongo. So, we must
do this alone. We’ll get there and see what
the deal really is.
Hold on, now. Just let me out of this rocketship,
and we’ll discuss things.
Zarkov raises the gun up into the air, ready to fire.
Do you want to be shot? Hmm?
Then do as I say!
Listen. Mister . . . Zarkov. If you want to . . .
travel to this planet, Mongo . . . then why not just
go alone? Why do you need US?
A rocketship cannot be piloted by one man alone.
It requires extra hands. I need help. And nobody
is willing to help me.
We go to planet Mongo. We investigate what is
happening. We report what we know to Earth!
They will see. They will stop laughing when we
stop these attacks!
So the rocketship takes off into the air.
Spacesuits are required for all three.
Off into deep space.
The rocketship drifts on into space.
How . . . in the Hell . . . did you afford all this?
Simple, by spending all the money I had, until
I was broke. I used to be a billionaire.
Used to be. I sank every penny into this rocketship.
You invented a rocket?
I copied, re-built, an old rocketship.
They fly through space, but encounter the first obstacle
in the form of a large asteroid.
They fly away, but they fly toward where the asteroid was coming from.
Eventually, they are sucked into a wormhole reaching through
many solar systems, and are spit out the other end.
INT. SPACE - ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM
The white spiral of energy that makes the wormhole
spits out the rocketship, which flies quickly through
the vacuum of space. The wormhole continues to
twist and spiral itself around toward the point of nonexistence.
What in the . . .?
Soon enough, they find a planet. Green and blue on the outside,
they fly the rocketship toward its atmosphere.
What planet is this?? It’s not Earth. It’s not Mars.
Where are we??
Green? This planet is green? We are at Venus!
We can’t be! That . . . that’s not right!
No way did we reach a planet that . . . fast!
No! No! This is not even enough time to reach
the moon! Let alone . . . this . . . planet!
We have, ehhh . . . traveled a long distance,
in a short time, no?
We have moved a long distance in a short time.
How does electricity go so fast through the phone wire?
How does electricity travel through the phone wire?
What’s that got to do with this?
Flash, my friend, we have just traveled through a phone
wire, and ended up . . . here.
A phone wire?
A wormhole. Like electricity traveling from telephone to
telephone, we have moved through the wormhole and
been brought here.
You’ll have to explain all of this to me later.
They all fall into the planet, and the rocketship begins to
catch fire on the outside.
They all seem to be dead. They are thrown into the ceiling, then the glass windows of the spaceship. As the rocketship plunges into the atmosphere of the new planet, they are all convinced they are soon dying. The ship falls for thousands of feet, but curves into a diagonal path, and finally into a horizontal landing. At last, they just barely survive the trip to Mongo. Dale and Zarkov are knocked unconscious.
There is a limited supply of oxygen left on this foreign, alien planet. This is most likely where the meteor storms came from. Oxygen is running out. He cannot leave the rocketship. If he does, he will stop being able to breathe.
At last, he learns that he can indeed breathe the oxygen of this planet. Impossible! Yet it seems quite true. Pulling Dale and Darkov out of the rocketship, they see that they have no way back to Earth.
A gigantic green monster comes at Flash.
Attempting to stab the monster, Flash instead is knocked down.
A purple monster attacks the green monster.
They both end up in a fight.
Higher up in the air, they are being watched. An armada of drone ships flies around the area in a circle, blasting with lasers both giant beasts. Destroyed, they fall to the ground.
My God! I have never seen anything like this! It’s some kind of . . . purple dinosaur!
Dinosaurs weren’t purple, Flash.
These ones are, apparently! And this . . .
other dinosaur . . . it’s green!
He looks all around himself. The natural canyons are empty again.
Some spaceships fly around and land on the ground beside Flash and Dale.
A knight in shining armor steps out.
Oh, wow! They’ve got dinosaurs AND knights in this place!
Hands behind your back.
Hands behind your back. Get on the ground.
What are you talking about? I -
MOVE IT! MOVE IT! I know you can hear me!
You too, pal! Get on the ground! ON THE GROUND!
Stop this! Do you know who I am?
I'm a Ph. D in -
SILENCE! I don’t care WHO you are, you are
TRESPASSING on the Emperor’s property!
What Emperor? I -
Please! Please, stop this!
On the ground! Get on the ground, now! Now! Now!
Dale slowly lowers herself to the ground.
All the way to the ground! Let’s go! Now!
What have we done?
Stop talking. You are hereby being taken before
the Emperor of the Universe himself: Emperor Ming.
Hope he’s not as pushy as you guys!
Both hands behind their backs, Flash, Dale, and Zarkov
are escorted away by two knights in silver armor.
Soon enough, each one is forced into a different rocketship
from the rainbow-colored armada of ships.
After all three prisoners are escorted inside the three
rocketships, the ships close themselves.
Driver! Take me to Ming’s Palace!
As you command.
The flying rocketship takes itself off into the air,
leaving far behind them the ruined remains of
INT. MONGO - OUTDOOR TERRAIN
Three knights examine the smashed rocketship.
One enormous wall of metal, now twisted and
bent into several directions. They look over the
fragment of the rocket, back, forth, back, forth.
The knights begin to extract the ruined rocketship
pieces and remove them from the scene.
INT. MONGO - AIRWAYS
A slightly visible trail is left behind the rocketships
that fly through the air.
A yellow beam is quickly cast out from the
rocketships’ front end.
The yellow beam flies through the air.
Two red-and-purple birds squawk,
quickly turning away and flying away
from the limited range of the yellow beam.
The rocketship flies through the air,
without hitting any birds.
Finally, Flash Gordon is able to see, out
the translucent windows of the rocketship,
where he’s headed.
An enormous city, with far more buildings in it
than New York City had, with a far greater
variety of vibrant colors on the outside, reaching
higher than the tallest buildings he had known.
The tallest building of all: the red-and-gold
Imperial Palace of Emperor Ming.
Where am I being taken?
EXT. ROCKETSHIP - NOW
The rocketship flies on through the air, with a small trail
visible, made of debris that follows the ships with gravity.
EXT. MONGO CITY
The rocketship enters the zone of the city.
“Mongo City”, reads a white caption.
So many colors. So many buildings. They seem to
be headed to the one tallest building of all - the palace.
Flying right between the many buildings, they are headed
not to the top of the palace, but to its front doors.
The rocketship allows them to bypass walking
up the many staircases. They are taken directly
to the front doors of the palace, where the rocketships
self-execute horizontal landings next to each other.
Nothing happens, at first. The vehicles take a few
moments to become completely grounded.
The doors open, and the knights bring their
prisoners out, to be brought inside the front
doors of the palace.
INT. MING’S PALACE - SOON
The first room the people find in the palace
has at least a mile of clear walking space,
and a ceiling over 150 feet up high.
The three prisoners are walked, by three knights,
down the hallway, down a red carpet with
gold designs weaved on them.
They walk between two statues, who appear
to be Anubis, the Egyptian God with a wolf-
like head and face.
Where in the Hell are we?
So far, I’m guessing this IS Hell!
It might be!
Up they travel, up the stairs, down the carpet,
to approach Emperor Ming.
On all sides of them stand Ming’s servants,
all of whom live in his palace.
Hawk-men, who have wings.
Lion-men, standing on two feet, wearing pants.
Green human beings. They stand together,
with each other, segregated, like the others.
This most definitely is not New York.
A dark purple jaguar-man strikes a gong.
SILENCE!! The Emperor of the Universe
. . . Emperor Ming . . . speaks!!
Emperor Ming sits on his throne.
Red and gold comprise the several layers of
clothing that cover his body. A fan-like
arrangement of gold pieces surround his neck.
Emperor Ming is bald, but has thick dark gray
eyebrows, matching a medium-width beard.
His skin is more of a light shade of yellow
than a light shade of orange/peach, like Flash.
So these are the three trespassers?
He could see us from here??
I see everything! I am the Emperor of the Universe,
and I am to be the judge of what happens to you.
Hmm. Zarkov can be brought into my Army.
The girl pleases me . . . I will take her to be my wife.
But as for the blond-haired male . . . he does not meet the
requirements for my Army. He shall be slain.
So that’s your game, is it? I’ll . . . I’ll . . .!
Ming’s guards began to escort Flash away.
Come here, you - miserable . . .!
Take him to the quarters of the cavemen.
Let this girl see how he would hold up in
GUARDS 1 & 2
Get off of me!
Flash breaks out of the guard’s grip, and continues
to walk on.
They continue to walk with him to the downward
ramp that leads to the arena.
We FLY ON AHEAD, past the guards, past Flash,
to see the ramp and arena that lie ahead. The ramp
goes downhill for about 20 feet. The arena has a floor
measuring 15 feet wide, and about 100 feet long.
Flash Gordon, just starting to walk down the ramp,
looks back at his friends.
He nods his head to Dale and Zarkov.
Zarkov nods his head back.
Zarkov puts his hands together in prayer.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name . . .
Zarkov is smacked by a guard.
If any worshiping is to be done, it will be to Tao and Dyzan.
. . . Y-yes. Tao and Dyzan.
With the guards staying back, behind the downward ramp,
Flash Gordon walks forward to enter the arena.
The farthest wall slides all the way up. Slowly, four red-skinned
cavemen, from a point in human evolution millions of years past,
emerge from the open doorway. The cavemen are wearing brown
cloths around their waists.
The four cavemen growl, ready for combat.
We CIRCLE AROUND the arena. Around the four cavemen.
Around Flash Gordon.
He nods his head, and removes his shirt.
Well if it’s a fight you guys want . . . then
it’s a fight you will get! . . . Of course . . .
something tells me you folks won’t understand
a word I’m saying anyways.
One caveman opens his mouth wide, revealing
two sharp teeth.
Flash Gordon runs ahead at them.
He wrestles with one red caveman, finally
throwing him up into the air, to land on the floor.
He spins around and jabs another caveman.
He has beaten all four cavemen.
IMPOSSIBLE! Flash Gordon could never
possibly have beaten them all!
What am I to do with him, Master?
No, Father! Please!
Aura jumps onto the trap-door in the floor.
Don’t kill him! If you do . . . you’ll
be killing me, too!
Aura, my daughter . . . what do you
think you’re doing?
You can’t let this man die! I . . .
I LOVE HIM!
Dale goes through a twinge of insecurity about Aura.
The trapdoor activates. Everybody falls down.
The water dragons are down there.
The futuristic city. It becomes bombarded by the gyros, a kind of alien spacecraft. The lasers topple the city.
Flash Gordon lands on the ground, away from his friends, and finds Thun, Prince of the Lion-Men.
The witch queen arrives.
His friends are both dead, she says. But she can bring them back.
She gets Flash to drink a love potion, and to fall for her.
The ice-lands of Frigia. The people of Frigia can thrive in the cold. Queen Fria.
Script Not Complete.
In Word, this document is barely into Page 24. Lots of stuff left to flesh out. All of this movie script will be a contemporary remake of the first 1934 Flash Gordon comic strip story arc. The witch queen is from a later Flash Gordon story arc.
This fanfiction is not yet complete. Plenty of it is still in summary form. Every scene is meant to be stretched out longer by the time it's truly done.
It just barely gets into 24 pages in length, in Word. By the time it's done, realistically speaking, the caveman fight scene should be somewhere near page 50, and the entire script should be 120 pages long as a bare minimum, hopefully more like 180.
This script will be contemporary, happening now. It will have that elaborate, made-today feeling of 2011's "Flash Gordon: Zeitgeist" comic book, but minus the 1930's setting, brought more into a light of now. This script will stick a lot closer to the 1934 comic strips than the 1980 movie had, and yet bring in a new emphasis on happening now - Flash Gordon checks for the time with his cell phone, goes through an airport for many pages prior to getting on the plane, and other realistic stuff.. Stuff that the 1980 movie missed, which I want to capitalize on: ice-land of Frigia, the ice-people, two red Drokks that Flash Gordon fights, four red cavemen.
Stuff that came from the 1934 comic strip:
- Flash, Dale, Zarkov, airplane bombarded by meteors, Flash and Dale meeting Zarkov, rocketship to Mongo, being captured by knights, Ming's palace, Ming sending Flash to fight four red monkey-men (shown as "cavemen" in later story arcs).
Stuff that came from the 1980 movie:
- Football player instead of polo. I have both, in a way.
Stuff that came from the 2011 Flash Gordon: Zeitgeist:
- green skin color of people from Arboria
Stuff that came from the black and white movies from 1936, 1938, 1940:
- Resentment between Dale and Princess Aura. A sarcastic reference to a "trip to Mars", the 2nd FG movie.
Most recent update: 8/3/2014
Web-site first put up online: 8/1/2014.